a weird place

I love Provo. I’ll probably make a long list of all the things I’m going to miss at some point in the future, but right now it’s enough to say that this very weird place is also very lovely. Especially today, for no specific reason.

Some random thoughts, just for fun:

Today the guy at the pharmacy told me I have a nice smile. That was unexpected, and probably more needed than I’ll let myself think.

Sometimes I think about how I’m not going to live next to the mountains anymore, and that kind of makes me want to cry.

Today is one of those days where you can tell that we’re inching closer to summer, which makes Kansas City feel more and more real, and more and more final.

Yesterday I saw someone’s bike parked on campus that had a branch of yellow flowers woven through the spokes. That’s how you know the world is a good place, kids!

I keep feeling like I have things to say— like I wasn’t just given my talents/interests/personality to just hang out and be quiet. I don’t know yet what I’m supposed to say, or do, or create, but I’ll figure it out.

That’s all! Happy Thursday!

a friday night

I called this video “a friday night,” but it’s also called: “messing around with premiere trying to make my iPhone video clips look cool.”

this night consisted of the following steps:

1. bake Pillsbury biscuits
2. drive to Slate Canyon with biscuits
3. eat biscuits with jam while watching the sunset
4. drive to Pioneer Book
5. discover a Utah treasure hunting book that someone was reading
6. hang out on top of a parking garage
7. get ice cream

everybody that we told our plan to commented it sounded like a date hahaha. so Aubrey and I exist to prove to the Provo world that you don’t have to wait to do spontaneous/random/adventurous things until you’re dating someone. life can be rad always.

 

cadbury eggs

I’ve been feeling things really deeply these days.

It’s a time of endings, and soon it’ll be a time of beginnings. But not just “oh I’m moving to a new apartment” beginnings. Like, “I’m moving to an entirely new state and starting adult life in a place where I know zero people” kinds of beginnings. Freeeeeeak.

But that’s life— feeling things. Right?

Everything makes me feel things these days. Mountains. Rain. Photos. Sunsets. My coworkers singing “happy birthday.” French fries.

I’ve seen a few influencers post recently about having feelings—about accepting them, appreciating them, working through them. I’m a beginner to that approach, but we’re trying it out and I’ll let you know how it goes.

But I think there’s also something in the “watch Gossip Girl while eating spontaneously-purchased Cadbury eggs” approach. Because then Gossip Girl makes you cry and crying feels a lot better than having all the un-labeled feelings tight in your chest.

Also, you know what is annoying? When you can’t put labels on feelings. When you’re just feeling. I’d much rather be able to put labels on the emotions and assign those emotions to direct causes, then put lids on those boxes and walk away. And sometimes that works, but then sometimes you have days like today when the feelings refuse to be labeled, they’re just existing. 

Maybe sometime I’ll write a little more about feeling deeply. But for now, those are some thoughts. That’s all!

(also, some good songs for feelings today: “supercut” by Lorde, “everybody lost somebody” by Bleachers, “stay alive” by Lael, “anatome” by Novo Amor & Ed Tullett

from a month ago